The Enneagram Guide to Giving Better Feedback
There’s plenty of leadership advice encouraging us to be clear and direct when giving feedback. And while clarity is kind, most of that advice misses a crucial truth: feedback isn’t one-size-fits-all.
Many of us default to the Golden Rule: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” But when it comes to communication, especially feedback, the Platinum Rule is far more effective: “Treat others the way they want to be treated.”
When you tailor feedback to how someone prefers to receive it, it’s more likely to land well and lead to meaningful growth. The Enneagram is a powerful tool to support this. It offers insight into what motivates people, what shuts them down, and what helps them stretch.
Here’s a quick guide on how to adapt your feedback approach based on each Enneagram type:
Type 1 - The Strict Perfectionist
Ones value integrity, responsibility, and doing things the “right” way. When offering feedback, be structured, thoughtful, and specific. Focus on improvement rather than criticism, as the chances are their internal critic is already working overtime. Acknowledge where their high standards are helping the team succeed, and frame feedback around shared values and effectiveness, not judgment.
Type 2 - The Considerate Helper
Twos are deeply attuned to relationships and connection. While feedback sandwiches aren’t always ideal, Twos often respond well to a relational approach: lead with appreciation, acknowledge their positive impact, and then offer the constructive element. Reassure them that the feedback doesn’t threaten the relationship, as they can easily interpret critique as rejection. Because they are feeling types, it helps to ask how they’re doing and make space if they feel hurt or disappointed.
Type 3 - The Competitive Achiever
Threes are focused on results, success and performance. They prefer feedback that’s efficient, goal-oriented, and tied to measurable outcomes. Avoid language that implies failure. Instead, position the feedback as an opportunity to stretch, grow, and achieve greater impact. Frame feedback in terms of what good looks like and how they can continue to excel.
Type 4 - The Intense Creative
Fours value authenticity and truth. They’ll see through generic feedback, so be honest, specific, and emotionally attuned. Affirm their unique contributions and express appreciation for their perspective. Because Fours can internalize feedback as confirmation of their perceived inadequacy, approach the conversation with empathy and patience, giving them space to process their emotions and share their feelings. Framing feedback around meaning, purpose, or creative alignment can help it resonate.
Type 5 - The Quiet Specialist
Fives are private, cerebral, and value competency and clarity. When giving feedback to a Five, be direct but non-intrusive. They prefer to receive feedback with context, data, and a clear rationale. If possible, give them advance notice so they can prepare, and don’t expect an immediate reaction. Respect their need for privacy, and avoid putting them on the spot.
Type 6 - The Loyal Sceptic
Sixes seek safety, security and belonging. They may question your intentions, so building trust is essential. Be transparent, and clear. Avoid ambiguity as that can spark worst-case thinking. Anchor the feedback in facts, shared goals, and be prepared to have a two-way conversation that allows them to ask questions and process their thoughts or concerns.
Type 7 - The Enthusiastic Visionary
Sevens are optimistic, spontaneous, and future-focused, but they often avoid discomfort and may deflect or minimize negative feedback. Highlight what’s working well and connect constructive feedback to possibility, what they can create, improve, or try next. Invite them to brainstorm solutions or new approaches. They’ll be more receptive if they see feedback as a launching point for something exciting, not limiting.
Type 8 - The Active Controller
Eights are bold, assertive, and driven by results. They respect honesty and strength, so be direct, confident, and don’t sugarcoat as they’ll spot inauthenticity immediately. Get to the point, and give them space to respond. They may challenge your feedback, but if you stay grounded and open, they’ll respect you for it. Connect feedback to broader impact, and let them know how changes could help them be even more effective and influential.
Type 9 - The Adaptive Peacemaker
Nines value harmony and inclusion. They tend to avoid conflict and may initially agree with your feedback just to keep the peace, even if they disagree. Be patient and collaborative in your approach. Give them time to process, and ask for their perspective, drawing them into the conversation rather than directing it. Reflective questions and genuine curiosity can help them clarify and express their thinking.
Want Your Feedback to Land
Giving better feedback starts by understanding the person you’re speaking to. If you don’t know their Enneagram type, simply ask, “How do you prefer to receive feedback?” That one question can shift the tone of the conversation, as well as the outcome.
The Enneagram is a powerful framework for improving communication, deepening relationships, and giving feedback that leads to growth. Curious how the Enneagram can strengthen your team dynamics? I offer Enneagram-based workshops and coaching to help teams build trust, communicate more clearly, and grow together. Reach out to bring the Enneagram to your team.